Just so you know… .I started writing this on 10.10.2013 and I don’t know when its going to post and or when its going to end. This is a work in progress and I will type more to it as I see fit or as thoughts pop into my head.
I think there is a difference between stopping smoking and quitting smoking. For me at least. Stopping smoking is easy, quitting smoking is not. You know what, I take that back… quitting is not really that hard once you decide that you want to quit, the hard part is getting to the place where you truly want to quit.
Here’s the thing. I loved smoking. I know its bad for you. I know that its basically committing little tiny suicides every single time to light up a heater, but I was just a big fan of the act and the idea of smoking. And I never really cared to quit.
I was smoking American Spirits. 100% U.S. grown Tobacco. People think that they are better for you but in reality they are probably worse. They have no additives, but they are still tobacco, straight tobacco at that. The traditional ‘tobacco delivery systems’ from the other brands add a ton of other stuff to make the cigarettes burn faster (so you smoke more) which is why American Spirits smokers are always the ones still pulling drags on their lung darts well after everyone else is finished burning. The shit is still bad though.
Alright, its noon on the 15th, and I haven’t burned in a few days, but I am just, for the first time actually craving a cigarette. Its funny because I posted on the social networks after I got to work today because I noticed that I had actually started tasting and smelling again. Seems like a little thing, but its huge. When I got into my car I smelled cigarette smoke. When I ate my breakfast burrito with turkey sausage…. I realized how much I hate the taste of turkey sausage as opposed to regular real sausage. I feel my lips. I feel my tongue. I feel everything.. its kind of weird actually. But after I just crushed my lunch, I’m feeling the need for that after lunch ciggy. I gotta find something to do right now….
FAIL. Had some heavy, heavy drama with a lady friend (something happened to her that has me bugging out) the last couple of days and I couldn’t fight it. Bought a pack today. Hopefully, wont buy another.